Nietzsche Not Needy
by Roguie
Summary: Stepping off the Astraeus ship, scanning the crowd and not finding Jo was about the lowest place Zane could find himself.  He'd thought they had so much more than his dreams.


Title: Nietzsche Not Needy

(Or How Much is that Sun Dress in the Window)

Author: Roguie/ Sunspecops/ Danae Bowen

Fandom: Eureka

Characters: Zane, Jo, Zane/Jo

Rating: T with an Ish….

Disclaimer: Eureka obviously doesn't belong to me, I just like to borrow the characters and mutate their inner voices. Please don't sue, my house is small, my car is useless and my dogs are pains in the arse, but they're all I have.

Summary: Stepping off the Astraeus ship, scanning the crowd and not finding Jo was about the lowest place Zane could find himself. He'd thought they had so much more than his dreams.

A/N: For purplepotatopig - yes it's not exactly what we talked about, but I've spent hours watching the goodbye in One Giant Leap and I was having a maudlin moment. A bit more character-y angst than I've written in a bit, but hey…. Pour vous, a little yellow sundress.

A/N2: Fair warning, it's past midnight here and I'm beyond editing tonight. I've given it a once over, but I can't guarantee it's without fault this time around.

**~~~E~~~**

It was going to be one of those days.

Zane Donovan had learned a lot of things in his short time on the Earth, and his short time in the sky. He'd learned that time travel was possible. He'd learned that travelling faster than the speed of light was doable. He'd learned that no matter what mistakes you've made, someone could believe in you again. He'd learned that so many doors more opened when you've opened your heart to love.

He'd learned a lot of things the hard way; he always seemed to bang his head off doors, off walls, off any hard surface that could bring on the pain that would stabilize his thoughts. He'd learned that Friedrich Nietzsche had a point in his ramblings. He'd learned that _if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you_. Without a doubt Nietzsche had no idea his words would be taken so out of context so many years later, but Zane had long associated the abyss with the chocolate pools of Jo's eyes. He'd looked into those eyes so many times, in so many different situations. He'd seen the eyes of the Enforcer, hardened and set against him, and the abyss had seemed too monumental to ever cross. He'd seen the eyes of Josephina, broken and sad, filled with knowledge so beyond his own understanding that the abyss had seemed far too dark and deep to survive. He'd seen the eyes of his JoJo, glazed over with passion as she refused to look away, and those were the moments when he felt himself falling, too hard, too fast, too deep into that uncrossable abyss that threatened to burn him where he stood, and yet he couldn't pull away. He'd seen the eyes of Jo, the abyss dark and storming as she struggled not to cry, her fingers trembling as they held him, voice breaking as she said goodbye.

When he'd stepped out of that ship so soon after they'd left, the mission scrapped, the ship next to destroyed, he'd looked through the crowd for her. Whatever answers he'd left without in the days prior, he'd found whilst gone, and all those answers ended with the pair of dark brown eyes that haunted his every dream. What he found were his friends, welcoming him home, gathering their loved ones into their arms, conversation exploding as they went over exactly what had happened. What he found was Carter, eyes on the ground after he'd solidly kissed Allison Blake and sent her to find her children waiting in Fargo's office at Global Dynamics. What Carter had said, Zane couldn't tell. What Zane heard Carter say was a different story. She'd left. Gone. Widened the abyss between them with more than just her will, now she'd added distance, space, a world between them and he didn't know where to begin looking.

So he didn't.

Days passed and he went through the motions of being Zane Donovan. He went to work, he went home. He closed his eyes, evened out his breathing, but rather than allowing his dreams to take him away from her, he used them to take himself to her. Every night he travelled to a dark, quiet place where her eyes would meet his and he'd lose himself in the depths of her abyss, over and over until they'd found him at work, stretched out across his desk, eyes rolled back in his head as his brain began slowly shutting down. They'd forced him to sleep then, a long, dreamless sleep that lasted two days before they released him from the infirmary and told him they understood.

Go home, Zane, they'd said.

Your job will be here when you're ready, they'd smiled.

Try to take it easy, try to get some rest, try to forget, they'd advised until he was out of earshot, leaving them behind as deftly as she'd left him.

That had been a week ago. A week where he'd talked to no one, seen no one, connected with no one. To be honest? He was sick of having only his own mind for company and it was time to get out, so he walked out his front door and kept walking until the buildings became familiar and Main Street folded out in front of him. He avoided the café, avoided his friends, avoided everything he knew as he kept walking.

One would think to look at him that he'd be searching for the closest bar, or something equally as distracting, but it wasn't the lure of alcohol that stopped him cold in his tracks on that rainy afternoon. He gazed into the window of the ladies dress store, lost in the sight of a pale yellow sundress hanging from the shoulders of a dark mannequin.

He closed his eyes as if in pain, and perhaps on some level he was; images of a gentler, softer Jo assaulting him in ways he'd not known possible.

Before he'd left, he'd tried to find the words necessary to let her know how much she'd come to mean to him, he tried to let her know how much she'd always meant to him, but the words must have come out wrong. She picked at his uniform, held him close to her; she'd kissed him in public and yet still she'd chosen to walk away. Once again she'd refused to request he stay though even at that late point, if she'd only asked, he would've walked away from space and never looked back.

Instead, now he stood staring at a tiny, yellow sundress hanging in a shop window on Main Street, and struggled to make sense of his life that was more empty and lonely now than it had been when he'd been a felon, ostracised and mistrusted in a town he thought he hated.

He thought of Jo in that little sundress, meeting him for Sunday brunch at the newly reconstructed Café Diem. He imagined how her dark hair would shine, the highlights in her long locks brought out by the pale yellow of the fabric. He was sure his heart would beat straight out of his chest the moment she turned those dark chocolate eyes on him. Thoughts blew through his mind of sliding the small shoulder straps down her arms, later when they were at home, and how the pale yellow would compliment every inch of skin revealed to him, always with the light flush of red that tinted her flesh, as though she had no concept of how utterly perfect she truly was. Zane's world had become a cliché where Jo Lupo was concerned. She stole his breath, stopped his heart and with the pardon she'd fought so hard for, she had quite literally made an honest man of him. Jo had changed him in every way a man could be changed, but when she was done, she walked away, leaving him more broken than he ever thought possible.

Zane couldn't tell anyone what possessed him to step into that store, a less than patient look being shot at the cashier who questioned him twice if he was sure about the dress. When the contempt in his expression explained exactly how sure he was, the dress was packed away and a small box handed to him. It was with a self satisfied grin he realized that she'd offered him no up sells, no accessories; she'd wanted nothing more than the large unshaven man out of her store.

The box was pink and white and since no bag was offered, Zane was left walking down Main Street with it under his arm. Oh, he was aware of the looks he was receiving, and if anyone had contact with Jo, he was aware of the stories that would get back to her. They'd likely assume he had a lady friend, already, and he'd be heading to her house right that moment, gift in hand.

Well, good.

Jo deserved to be worried. Jealous. Hurt. Confused. She deserved it all because that was how he felt every moment since stepping off Astraeus and finding her gone. The gossip hounds would be wrong, however, because there was only one place he was walking with the pink and white box that hid away the little yellow sundress.

4020 Coriolis Loop.

Rebuilt for the second time in a year, Jo's little house lay nestled back from the street, shrubbery, sod and flowers all landscaped to perfection. He walked up the path to her front door, his fingers hesitating on the knob as he wondered if he should be so invasive. She'd not had the chance to code the retinal scanners before she left, relying on the more basic door lock to protect her few belongings while she was gone. She hadn't moved in completely, yet, but many people had come and gone since the house was completed - furniture, utilities, all arranged for her by Carter, so that everything would be finished when - if - when she returned.

It was because of the trust laid so implicitly in the hands of the people of Eureka that Zane was inside her house before anyone realized. He'd meant only to drop the box off in her entrance way, a welcome home if she came home kind of deal. He hadn't expected the house to smell of her already and it stopped him cold in his tracks in the little hall between her door and her living room. The space just felt like her, even while she'd not had the chance to put it together herself, she was there, in every corner.

In this little house, Zane could feel Jo as clearly as if she'd never left, and if he looked towards the kitchen, he could swear she was standing in the doorway, looking at him with half amusement and half annoyance as he skulked uninvited around her home.

Her hair was down and around her shoulders, her jeans torn at the knee where she'd sometime recently taken a fall. If it was possible, she was thinner, her eyes dark with the need for sleep and his gaze travelled down her arm to where it was bound with a fresh wrap, her hands still wet from where she'd washed away blood.

He wasn't sure the exact moment he realized she was actually standing in front of him. He wasn't even sure of the moment the stupid box slipped form his fingers and landed unceremoniously on the floor at his feet. Later, he couldn't tell you who moved first, but somewhere in the middle of her living room bodies collided, lips coming together in a kiss so dangerously fierce that Zane wondered briefly if he'd be bruised when they finally came apart.

When her tongue slipped past his lips, however, all cares fled from his mind along with all rational thought. It was a surreal experience, moving through the unfamiliar house, past unfamiliar furniture, up an unfamiliar staircase. Her legs were wrapped so tightly around his hips that he struggled to climb the small stairs, refusing to loosen his grip on her hips to help himself.

He was lost in sensation, her nails bit into the back of his neck, her teeth cut into his lip, her heat pressed up against him so damned hot he could feel her through her jeans and his own. His body hardened immediately for her, dragging an echoing, whimpering moan from both their throats which resulted in Zane clearing the top step and unerringly finding the closest wall, pressing her into it so hard that it was possible she squeaked into his mouth before shifting, grinding herself against him unmercifully as his fingers found the hem of her light sweater and their lips separated just long enough to pull the offending fabric from her body.

His warm fingers instantly came between them to palm her black lace encased breast. They spared no words, no platitudes, there were no I miss yous or I love yous, there wasn't even Zane's cocky smile to fall back on as he found her bedroom and laid her out on the queen size comforter. They wasted no time between them, his fingers deftly pulling his t-shirt from his chest and he lowered his jeans to the ground. The heat he looked up to see in Jo's eyes mirrored his own as she wiggled gracefully from her own jeans before opening her arms to him, welcoming him to her.

When they moved it was as one. When they breathed it was air from the others lungs. When their hearts beat it was so loud that they were a single, unified rhythm in the light. They rose, crested and crashed over the precipice of pleasure in short minutes, breathing heavily, bodies damp with sweat, eyes glazed with momentarily sated passion.

"Welcome home," She whispered.

"You came home," he murmured at the same time.

They turned to each other, a half frown on two sets of swollen lips.

"You didn't know?"

"You knew?"

Zane sighed, rolling to his back, one arm coming to rest across his eyes. Maybe there was something more at work than they'd considered. Maybe everything they'd been through was the universe telling them to move on, that they were never meant to be together. They'd been wiped from the pages of history and yet found their way back into each other's arms, but every single time they had a real chance, something screwed it up, no matter where, or when they were.

There were two sides to every coin, however, and as Zane shifted back to his side, he drew Jo close to his body, securing her with his warmth, arm over her stomach, lips in her hair, he wondered what brought him there that day, what force made him break into her house over a simple dress he could've given to her at any other time. Better still, what had possessed Jo to come to a house that as far as she knew wasn't finished, rather than head to SARAH who had been her home practically since she'd arrived in this timeline?

He yawned suddenly, tightening his hold on her, slipping one leg across hers, holding her in place.

It was hard to think anymore as his eyes grew heavy and his breathing deep. He'd not been sleeping at all well since he'd gotten back; first a nap was in order, thinking could wait until later.

**~~~E~~~**

The sun was setting when he opened his eyes to find himself alone in Jo's bed. Her side of the bed was cool, letting him know she'd been gone for quite some time. He blinked rapidly, sitting up, heart beating heavy in his chest as he struggled to listen for any sound anywhere in the house that would tell him Jo was simply in another room. He didn't need the silence to tell him she'd gone.

Wow.

The amount of hurt contained in the simple realization that she'd left while he slept was rather stunning. He swallowed thickly and rolled from his warm sheets to where he could reach his jeans. It had never been more difficult to dress and walk out of a house as it was in those minutes.

It wasn't until he'd made his way to the front door that he realized the box in which he'd brought that little yellow sundress was open and empty, placed on the side table behind Jo's sofa. It eased the tight constriction in his throat a little to find Jo unable to resist his offering, and the corners of his lips turned up wistfully; if only she'd stayed around to model it.

It was time he grew up, he supposed. Stop avoiding people, head back to work, stop at Café Diem to grab a much needed coffee. He closed and locked her door behind him and began the short walk to the downtown core. He forced a smile when several people acknowledged him as he walked up to the café. He heard the quiet chuckles as he froze in place, his eyes drawn immediately to Jo standing in the center of the café, emanating radiance as her friends surrounded her, begging details of her trip. She laughed at one point, tossing her long hair over her shoulder as she held up her bandaged arm. Zane grumbled quietly in his chest, an odd burst of jealousy darkening his eyes to cobalt. He should've been the first to know why she was bandaged and yet they'd barely spoke.

He watched as Carter pointed at him, as Jo turned in place, the light fabric of her little yellow sundress fanning out and around her legs. Her eyes lit up as she caught sight of him and the smile that curved her lips stalled his heart with it's pure honesty.

She lifted the bags of take out she'd come for, silently asking for his patience for just a moment, and she turned back to Carter, saying her goodbyes.

She hadn't left him alone, she'd gone for food and coffee. His blood turned to ice water as he realized he was being doused in wave after wave of soul wrenching relief. He may have been a little in shock the last few weeks, wandering around this little town on this enormous planet alone and miserable, but when he saw her like this, his pain and his uncertainty was worth it. She looked at peace with the world, at peace with him in her life in every way possible; her radiance bled through in his own thousand watt smile.

Carter's eye caught Zane's as the younger man approached Jo from behind, and thinking quickly, Carter removed the bags of food from her fingers seconds before Zane's arms wrapped around her waist, spinning her to him. He heard the gasps from their audience, the gasp from Jo herself and assumed like everyone he'd be laid out on his back at any moment. It was a surprise to everyone when her hands came to rest against his chest, steadying herself as he smiled down at her.

"Hey."

"Hey."

He couldn't help himself. It was an insane life he'd found himself living, but if the strong, steady beat of his heart told him anything, it was Jo was worth every second of the crazy.

"Welcome home, JoJo."

This time when his lips met hers, they were gentle; a soft lingering kiss that that melted her to him, removed the oxygen from the air and left them breathless. The entire café watched on, and only when Carter dropped the bags of food on the nearest table and cheered did the silence break.

"Hell yeah! It's about time!"

When Jo laughed, her eyes wide and shocked in the moments before she buried her face in Zane's shoulder, he knew that his entire world spun for her alone.

_There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness. _

Nietzsche definitely had a point in his ramblings. After all, Zane was reasonably sure he was madly in love. It was hard not to welcome the insanity when Jo was in his arms.

**~~~Fin**


End file.
